My Doubts About Doubt

Doubt is a rather funny word. For some Christians, I think, it is a sort of barometer for one’s spiritual health. That is to say, if a Christian is having doubts than that Christian must still be ‘spiritually’ immature. I remember thinking this as a young Christian; that somehow the doubts I was having (maybe this whole thing is one big sham) were somehow a sign of immaturity. What I needed to do was learn more about God, find a more mature Christian to mentor me, and act more spiritually at church, and then my doubts would go away.

Interestingly, as I (seemingly) ‘mature’ in my faith I have discovered just the opposite. The more I learn about God, the more I surround myself with Christian friends, the more I go to church, the more I find myself doubting my faith at times. Just the other day I remember thinking, something like, maybe the disciples really did make up all these stories about Jesus. I wonder why this is?

I was reading the gospel of Matthew the other day, and I was struck by something (which I have noticed before but never really thought about clearly). In Matthew 28:16-20 we have a record of some of Jesus’ last words to his disciples. In this passage Jesus commissions his disciples to go into the world and make disciples. Interestingly, we read that some of the disciples, who were with Jesus at this time, were doubtful (v17). The text does not tell us exactly what they were doubtful about. So we have to do a little guess work here. I suppose that the people who doubted, doubted that this really was the risen Jesus whom they had spent time with before he had died.

The thing I find most striking about this passage is Jesus never speaks to their doubt. He never questions them, or their commitment to him, because of their doubt. Instead, Jesus begins by saying "All authority has been given to Me in heaven and earth..." The reader, I think, is kind of left hanging here. Were these people wrong to doubt? Why didn't Jesus speak to their doubt?

I think, in a way, he does. When Jesus claimed to have all authority he was speaking to their doubt. In other words, he understood that some of them had doubts, and rather than rebuking them for this (as if they were somehow less mature than the other disciples who worshipped Jesus), he reminded them that he was the one who had all authority. It is this authority which trumps their doubt. This does not mean, however, that those disciples were not going to doubt, or that they shouldn't doubt. It simply means that in spite of their doubt, Jesus is sovereign over all things (and therefore they were to obey him). It is rather like the book of Job where we are sort of left hanging. Why did God allow these bad things to happen to Job (a seemingly innocent person)? We never get a good answer. We are sort of left hanging. The only answer we get is simply; God is in control.

There have been many times in my life where I have had my doubts (maybe this whole thing is one big sham!). I remember, when I was laying in the hospital just a few weeks ago, doubting the existence of God After all, a good God really wouldn't let someone like me experience this kind of pain would he? In that moment, however, I was encouraged by the simple words that a certain pastor spoke: "God is in control." Indeed, that's it! Just like the disciples experience--just like Job's experience--when we go through times of doubt in our lives it is more than enough to realize that God is in control--that all authority in heaven and earth belongs to Him.